at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
