im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
