Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
