I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
