Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
