Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
