Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
