peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
