is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
