The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
