I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
