I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
