This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
