so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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