I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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