I have demons in me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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