doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
