Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
