Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
