It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
