I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
