I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
