I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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