Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My bed smells like the plague
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
