I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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