i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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