Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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