I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
