I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
