Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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