I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
