My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
