i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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