Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
