I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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