I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
