My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
