I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
