i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
