Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
