I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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