are you still at the devil's house?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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