I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
