Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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