It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
