he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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