SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
