Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
