Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize