did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
