Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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