DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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