u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im holly from the hills drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
