I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize