You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
