I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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