Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
