where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
