Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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