so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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