He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
