I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
