When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
