i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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