can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
