i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Randomize
