i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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