I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
