Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
